Twelve Steps to Greater Confidence

1) What do we tell ourselves?

• Whatever we tell ourselves, we then create this in the physical world
• If we tell ourselves that we cannot, then we probably won’t
• If we tell ourselves that we can, then we probably will
• Don’t say I can’t
• What are you communicating to yourself today?

2) Know that failure does not exist

• There is only the result of an action
• If we don’t like the result, change the action
• Take a step in the right direction (Start with small steps)

3) Confidence Audit - where am I now?

• Where do I want to be?
• In which areas do I want to see improvement?
• Even the smallest steps build confidence
• I agree to form a contract with myself to take action, even a small step to make an improvement

4) Get energised!

• What makes me feel good?
• What in my life is draining?
• Get in shape
• Eat and drink healthily
• Cut back on caffeine and alcohol, eat earlier
• Get enough sleep
• Use your body – get fit

5) Love yourself and build your confidence

• What do others value in me?
• What do I like about myself?
• What am I naturally good at?
• What have I achieved?
• Can I achieve again in the future?

6) Visualise your future and be who you want to be

• What is my vision for my future – what do I want it to be like?
• What would have to be in place to achieve this?
• What do success and happiness look like?
• Boundaries are our own responsibility – no-one else’s
• What are people saying / doing, or not saying / doing that make me feel bad or upset?
• What needs to change?
• Asking for help is a sign of confidence and strength
• If you don’t ask, you don’t get

7) Lose the fear

• What’s the worst that can happen?
• It often helps to mentally confront situations even if they are most unlikely to happen (Try mentally rehearsing a situation for a positive outcome)
• What actions can I take? What can I do to stop or ease the situation?
• What can I do instead of worrying? Taking action will help
• If you can’t take action, concentrate on today
• Accept what you can’t change

8) Concentrate on building positive relationships

• The energy we get from positive, inspiring people is infectious, but negative people will drain us
• Who makes me feel good about myself?
• Who drains me or makes me feel insecure, down, used?
• Be a life enhancing person: be appreciative, show interest in others, listen to them and comment on what they’ve said, remember it for the future
• Demonstrate and expect respect
• Find assertive ways of dealing with moaners, crushers and critics.

9) Act till it’s different

• Act as if you’re confident and even if you’re not, something changes
• As you become more confident, people will react to you differently
• Create a phrase that sums up how you want to be when you are fully confident
• Your body language will give out signals to others
• Choose a role model, someone who you admire
• Be your own role model
• Use positive visualisation

10) Maximise the now

• See what you currently have and value that first, before looking at areas for improvement
• Count your blessings – write down everything and everyone that is good and positive
• What’s getting in the way of my happiness right now?
• Behave towards others as you would want them to behave towards you
• Look for the positive in them and tell them how you value them
• If nothing can be done about a situation, accept what you can’t change

11) Change how you view what’s gone before

• Feelings about ourselves, including our confidence, can often be traced back to our past
• Confront the past. List things that were said to you/about you as a child
• What experiences have contributed to your view of life?
• Heal the past – see yourself as you were then and now as an adult – forgive yourself and acknowledge that you were only a child
• Visualise in this way or write yourself a letter
• Forgive other people where possible

12) Prepare for a new you

• Negative thoughts don’t produce happiness or positive experiences, only positive ones do
• Choose new beliefs. What would make your life better if you truly believed it?
• Write down three beliefs that, if you held them, would make you feel more confident and powerful
• How would you behave differently if you truly believed them?
• What would you need to believe to approach life differently?
• Change your self image – don’t think yourself down
• List the negative things you say about yourself and then ban them
• List good things to say about yourself. Repeat them over and over

For more information:

Tel: (01992) 613780 or email: andyd@graffhamconsulting.co.uk